“The problems start when I conclude that only an uninformed, unintelligent, or evil person could hold the view that you hold.” — Julia Minson

In a sneak preview of the 2028 Presidential election, Andy Beshear called JD Vance the most arrogant politician in America. Vance’s spokesperson fires back that Beshear is chasing headlines. Just another disagreeable day in American public life. So how can we disagree more agreeably?
In her new book How to Disagree Better, Harvard professor Julia Minson argues that disagreement is not conflict. The problem is when we decide the other person is stupid, evil, or both. Her test case is her own family: a Republican father-in-law who served in Vietnam, and Minson herself, a first-generation Russian immigrant. They’ve spent years avoiding the subject — so they make the worst assumptions about each other.
Her deeper argument is about the danger of silence. The junior person sitting on their hands while a bad decision gets made. The teenager who walks out. Putin wouldn’t read this book. But most of our disagreements are between equals — and we’d rather go to the dentist than spend twenty minutes with someone who disagrees with us. Let’s hope she’s sent copies to both Beshear and Vance.

Five Takeaways
• Disagreement Is Not Conflict. You can see the world differently and have a civil conversation. The trouble starts when you decide the other person is stupid or evil.
• We Fill In the Blanks with the Worst Story. When we avoid a topic, we assume the worst about why the other person believes what they believe. Most conflict is bred in misunderstanding.
• Vulnerability Persuades. Sharing why something matters to you — especially the vulnerable part — changes the conversation. Bragging doesn’t.
• Silence Is More Dangerous Than Shouting. The junior person not speaking up. The teenager walking out. The patient leaving the office. That’s where the real damage happens.
• Putin Wouldn’t Read This Book. Honest about the limits. Some disagreements aren’t between equals. But most of ours are.

About the Guest
Julia Minson is a professor at the Harvard Kennedy School. How to Disagree Better is published by Portfolio/Penguin Random House.
References
How to Disagree Better: https://www.amazon.com/How-Disagree-Better-Julia-Minson/dp/0593855000
Julia Minson: https://www.juliaminson.com/

About Keen On America
Nobody asks more awkward questions than the Anglo-American writer and filmmaker Andrew Keen.
Website: https://keenon.tv/ Substack: https://keenon.substack.com/ YouTube: https://youtube.com/@KeenOnShow

Chapters:
00:00:00 Introduction: Beshear vs. Vance and the 2028 warm-up
00:03:09 The father-in-law: a Vietnam vet, a Russian immigrant, and ICE
00:06:03 Do Russians disagree better than Americans?
00:08:02 The more we know about someone, the harder it is to hate them
00:11:27 Disagreement is not conflict
00:13:13 Social media: cause or consequence?
00:14:52 What science tells us — and why some people hate hearing that
00:18:40 Young people, perfectionism, and the fear of arguing
00:20:48 Parenting and power: can you disagree with your teenager?
00:23:36 Corporate silence: the meeting where nobody speaks up
00:28:28 Steve Jobs’s pirate flag vs. the people who walked away
00:29:49 Putin wouldn’t read this book
00:35:04 The father-in-law update: things are great